There Is “I” In Team

For most of my life, working in a team has been a major liability. No matter what the project was, I had to find solitude and silence to finish my part (and a lot of the time, everyone else’s) efficiently. I didn’t know why this always seemed to happen. Every “team” I was crowbarred into, consisted of other outcasts or my fav grouping, 3 best friends without the fourth member. Yet I did most of the work.

I hated teachers and bosses for intentionally forcing me into those situations. I couldn’t understand why my effort wasn’t good enough solo but nooooo, teams were top priority for classes or work enviroments. I never saw people paying a bill, driving a car, owning a house in groups… it just never made any sense. And just another excuse for neurotypicals to pick their friends, clique-up and slack off.

But of course, I did what I was told because I absolutely hated getting into trouble.

So, I sat there and tried to pretend everything was fine… secretly praying for the Rapture of Christ to come.

It was no use. Trying to concentrate on more than one person train of thought, was like being blinded-folded and forced to spin in place, by gun point. Queasyness and headaches were at an all time high but, I did my best to ignore it. However, each time a louder voice jumped in, to interrupt someone else’s. Just utter chaos. The competing egos, lead me to beg to be the “recorder” of the group. Why? I knew from an early age, that the average person LOVED to talk but HATED to write things down. And I was the complete opposite. I became great at ALWAYS showing up with a pen and paper so that no one else had to…

Yep. That was me, the reliable Note-Taker. I was the student everyone (including the teacher) borrowed a pen from but rarely gave back.

This secret method of being so “prepared” was a win-win for me and the group. I was technically contributing, withOUT really having to say a word… and showed tangible evidence, that I did do “something”. On retrospect, it was a great forumula for hiding in plain sight.

I was still stumped with one issue though: How to depend on others to complete half of their own work? Even though I KNEW I was going to do the bulk of it. Putting faith in others was like me, finding a black unicorn. Non-existent. Those who did, barely put in 25% effort, much less 50. And I was usually the one who picked up the slack. Most teachers and bosses never knew this though. Haha teamwork, what a joke.

Personally, “teamwork” has a negative connontation. What it actually means is to let the quiet one do it all, while the rest of us smile and take the credit.

Now I intentionally go out of my way to avoid it… unless there’s something specifically benefical for me. I’m not giving anyone my energy for the benefit of all and neither should you. Those days are done.

Published by I define Me

I found out I was misdiagnosed by a chance meeting. Ever since then, my life has never been the same. I want to help others like myself, who might suspect they could be Autistic to advocate for themselves, and find the appropriate ADULT resources to live the best life possible. As an adult, I'm tired of being pushed to the sidelines. We exist. We matter. I define Me.

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