Have you ever wondered when your going to stop tripping over yourself? Every morning I wake up I feeling this since of doom and gloom. I strongly believe I am experiencing the Great Depression (2021 edition) with my business having to close down completely, constant tension with my loved ones and loosing Cameron, my lopped eared rabbit last month. I have been trying to keep positive despite my low mood and constant cramps. I’ve done this by keeping a simple morning schedule that includes:
- Learning a new language
- Mediation for 10 mins
- Indoor Gardening
- Forcing myself to “talk” (text/email) people I otherwise would have never would have spoken to before
Activity number 4 has honestly been a nightmare and very slow. It seems 98% of people/humans need the phone or face to face to feel connected and create a “relationship”. I don’t believe that is needed right now especially in an epidemic, plus I don’t like meeting crowds of people all at once.
I have also been feeling like I have watched constantly (especially online) and it’s weighing on my mental health. People don’t realize trying to be a constant positive role in their life does not automatically mean we are in a committed relationship… unless that is SPECIFICALLY stated out right in my world. Why in this day and age are we still assuming and not actually asking questions and being clear? I loath blurred lines and unclear communication.
Because I still identify as someone on the Spectrum these broken telephone and miscommunications always seem to be my down fall with every person I come in contact with. Speaking of Autism, I got a screening done while being hospitalized in January. I am still on awaiting list to be seen, no date and time has been determined but I am very excited that I got prescreened, because that was all I wanted from the beginning of starting to write this blog! Not only did the health worker say, there is a good chance that I need a specialist to further screen me… I can’t tell you how relieved that makes me feel. I must say I have a new doctor and miss the old one. This one piles on the pills but at least I am sleeping.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling on but my time writing on this blog has been WAY over due. Please wish me luck on getting the ASD screening as soon as possible! It would make my “wholeness” wish to be a true human being to come true! This way if I know exactly who I am (mental health wise) then I will be able to know where I am going in life. I am slow but sure.